Dysthe

dysthe @ 2009-02-05T20:33:00

2009-02-06T04:36:27Z

Mark, if you read this, I'd like you to know that you are dead. >]

wish it never happened

2008-04-07T00:44:45Z

So I cleaned my room today and guess what I find? A lot of random rants that I would write to myself from time to time, when I really just wanted to crawl into a hole and die, or something equally depressing. Here's one that made me really think.

I don't know how I feel or what I want. It hurts too much to see Kevin blame himself... to watch him be so selfless for me. It hurts to know Tracy is sulking somewhere... that she might not be around anymore. My heart just tightens... and tears from and fall for both. Would it be better to be with neither? They'll both hold on for a while. then move on. They all do.

♥

Eternal love... the kind that lasts even after death...

Tired as hell

2007-05-07T08:21:23Z

Fuck. It's 1am. I have two essays to finish, one of which I haven't read the novel for yet. Can anyone spell screwed?

I swear, I'm gonna be dead tired tomorrow, might as well sleep through literature and calculus and whatever else I have. I'm pretty much awake on sugar and caffine from energy drinks at the moment. Which, I have to say, do a very good job at restoring... mental... physical... shit. I'm pretty much just rambling now.

So what else is there to ramble about? Oh, I downloaded every Pon & Zi picture I could find on the internet, then wasted a few hours playing around with them. They're like... the most adorable things I've ever seen. Only now they don't capture my attention as much. Might just be the tiredness. Or the pissy-ness.

Fuck. Fuckity fuck fuck. I should be WIDE awake right now. I can hardly stay up past 1am anymore. What the hell is wrong with me?

And what the hell is wrong with Gunbound? It's being so fucked up, can't load the freaking game, stupid "Play Live" button just sitting there. Fucking shit.?

dysthe @ 2006-11-20T18:37:00

2006-11-21T02:37:26Z

I am such a retard. I fell asleep on my bus for like... the fiftieth time, and I missed my stopped. And it was so dark. And I don't know the streets in my neighborhood if it's not a number, so I was pretty much lost. So I went into this small store to ask for directions, and this other guy went in when I did, and when I said I was lost, he offered to give me a ride. ^___________^ Yeah, I know, not supposed to, but he was so nice. And kinda hot. And twenty. He asked me to join him tonight for a movie with some of his friends, but I can't... but.... -sighs- ... He actually just lives a block away from me, so... yeah. x33

Lucid Dream #2

2006-11-13T18:06:04Z

Second lucid dream in... actually, I have no idea. But I never used to have lucid dreams. So... yeah.

I killed someone. And drowned the person... I don't even remember who the person was... I just know it was a girl. And she had black hair. And... someone found out I had killed the person. I remember thinking "oh god, let me wake up now, i don't like this lucid dream anymore". Somehow, the person who found out was this teacher who took the blame for me... And he got fired and shit. And... I didn't even thank him. 'Cause by then it had totally hit me that I was having a lucid dream again, and I wanted to.... stuff... involving person I like... But the person didn't really... want to... Stupid lucid dream.

Then I proceeded to wake up. When I didn't want to wake up. At 3am. After getting... two hours of sleep. Less than, actually. And I know I had that dream because of... guilt. God, I was so freaked out when someone found out I had killed... It is the worst feeling ever.

dysthe @ 2006-10-12T18:45:00

2006-10-13T01:54:03Z

.... It's just a tad bit creepy when the line between reality and dreams starts to blur. And when things that haven't happen suddenly seem like vivid memories. 'Specially if it makes no sense at all. And when it starts revolving around one person.

dysthe @ 2006-09-22T21:54:00

2006-09-23T04:59:46Z

God. Stupid fucking Grouse Grind. We just have to go when it's shut down for repairs. Because, y'know, I just love spending a good five or so hours on public transit going back and forth for no reason whatsoever. Yay.

dysthe @ 2006-09-13T19:46:00

2006-09-14T03:41:13Z

How could I have burned paradise?
How could I - you were never mine.

So don't cry to me.
If you loved me,
You would be here with me.
Don't lie to me,
Just get your things.
I've made up your mind.

dysthe @ 2006-09-09T00:21:00

2006-09-09T07:33:58Z

I feel like shit right now in every way possible. I'm fucking tired. My arms and legs are sore. Everything feels so heavy. I can't think properly. I'm still in my dirty pjs that I wore all day. Etc. I honestly feel like jumping off a five-story building. Or someone could push me. As long as I freaking die.

Fucking stupid people on MSN. Fucking stupid flashing orange bar. Fucking stupid Asaf who never replies. Fucking stupid nettle rash. Fucking stupid everything.

Maybe I can throw myself out my window and hope I break something and fall unconscious. Or... or... I can drown myself in a bathtub. S'long as it makes the shitty feeling change. I'd sleep, but I still need a shower. And to take my contacts out. And change. And brush my teeth. And... everything. Or I can just do something completely stupid. Like... omg. Stalk the guys from camp with the really hot accent.... James! Yeah... Him. Hahaha... I have a picture of him. -sighs- Or.... swimming pool! Haha... jumping on people.... yay.

-too tired to type properly anyways-

Dreaming-ness

2006-08-30T02:13:28Z

n_____n Teeheeee. I had this totally awesome dream. About this guy. Who was beyond hot. And it was.... -drools- I officially love those rides which involve people turning the disc in the middle to make the ride spin, and groping! Specifically, groping in those rides with the spinny disc. But groping in general is good too. -nodnod- More than groping is even better. :3

Hot groping guys on rides = <33333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333

Waterpark

2006-08-21T06:39:30Z

Cultus Lake Waterpark was awesome. =3 Sooo fun. Well, 'xcept for the wedgies. And my top almost coming off. Stupid uber steep slides. xPP It was so freaking scary. I thought I was gonna fly off the slides. I just closed my eyes and went into almost-freefall.

Note to self: Going into emo-mode before going to a waterpark is bad. D<

Homigawd. To all people ever going to Cultus Lake.... follow the slide instructions. Really, it's a good idea. >_____>;; My neck's sore, and my head hurts. Pooo.

Camping

2006-08-19T04:52:20Z

Omfg, I just got back from Okanagan and I'm so freaking sticky/dirty/sweaty. >____>;; It's so gross. But whatev', I guess. Time to rant about camp.

There's this lake by the campsite and me and my sister were swimming in it with an inner tube-thingy. And these two 14-15 year old guys were watching us or something. Like, me and my sister were playing in the lake, and the two guys were sitting by the lake skipping rocks and glancing at us every so often. So me and my sister swam really far away from shore, and the waves were getting stronger so the guys got worried and thought we couldn't get back. They freaking got their kayaks and came to "rescue" us. o____o;; And I got embarressed and forgot to even ask for his name. So, like, the day after, I tried to find them but I couldn't. I mean, I saw their kayaks, I just couldn't actually find them. T____T

On a side note: Okanagan people have a LOT of Tim Hortin's. One every other block, actually. They sure like their coffee a lot.

dysthe @ 2006-08-13T20:55:00

2006-08-14T07:13:57Z

Ughh. Provincial's in... well, now a lil more than one day. I'm doomed. And I'm still procrastinating and talking to people on MSN and playing Harvest Moon and watching TV and... and... yeah. I'm gonna be so screwed for the calculator-less part. -sighs- And I NEED a 96% on my provincial. Poooo.

I hate it when people ask you if you like them. And you so obviously know they like you. 'Cause then you can either say no and totally hurt them. Or lie and say yes and totally hurt them. >_______>;; And the sad thing is that this person has asked at least ten times in the last year or so.

dysthe @ 2006-08-10T00:24:00

2006-08-10T07:56:53Z

Total randomness alert. xPP

I had a dream a while ago. Where I was in this school. And my friends was there. Then I asked my friend what his school looked like, 'cause I've never really been there. And it was freakishly accurate. Well, minus the obvious exxagerations. Like the escalator stairs. And the window that was actually a warp portal.

Oooh. I'm going camping for three days! Then I'm gonna go to Seattle for SHOPPING! And I'm gonna go watch Step Up with Angel in between that. -sighs- Sooo can't wait! That movie is so awesome. And a guy dances!

I had a bee hive in my backyard. I was so freaked out. >_____>;; And i totally didn't even notice it until someone pointed it out to me.

-sighs- I just remembered, when I was in grade six, I made this guy a necklace that looked like InuYasha's 'cause he was so InuYasha-like. And 'cause I liked him. And it was so amusing. And the string broke so many times 'cause he actually did the "SIT!" thing. Omfg , I was so mean to him. And then, when the school year ended, I thought he'd thrown it away or something, 'cause the "roleplay" thingy was over. But he actually kept it. <333 I was all like "awwwwwwwwwhh". I miss that.

-rambles on and on-

Dreaming

2006-07-31T06:01:13Z

I keep on dreaming that I leave Trans for one reason or another. It's really... unnerving. In my dreams, I always leave Trans for the same imaginary school. And I'm always happier at this other school than I am at Trans. It's getting kinda hard to ignore now. I mean, it feels like my dreams are trying to tell me to leave Trans, as crazy as that sounds. And... and.... last night, I dreamt that people that I miss were at this school. Stupid recurring dreams. x___X;

PotC2

2006-07-23T09:03:52Z

-drools- PotC2 was so awesome. Depp was totally droolage material. And Orlando when he got his shirt ripped off was hot too. And when he saw Keira kissing Depp. Omfg. I was so jealous when Keira kissed him. -sighs- So hott. I went to HMV afterwards and I wanted to buy a poster but the pretty ones of Depp were sold out~! T______T

My friend had a dream where she was on a perfect date with Depp! I was like "luckyyyyyyyy!" And he confessed his undying love for her in her dream. I wish I had dreams like that. -sniffles- Well, until the part where Depp turned into King Kong. THAT I could live without. If only he weren't so old....

dysthe @ 2006-07-21T22:09:00

2006-07-22T05:25:59Z

Ughh. Dying from the heat wave inside my house. Even though all the fans are on. And all the windows are open. And I have an icepack. And I melt when I walk outside. It's like a freaking sauna out there. Oh god. Ewww. My ass is sweating and it's STICKING to the chair. That's GROSS.

Aaaanyways... moving on now. I'M WATCHING POTC2 TOMORROW WITH ANGEL!!! ^__________^ YAY!! I've waited for this movie for like ever but no one would go watch it with me. -becomes emo- I was gonna watch it with Ian, but he went to China. Then someone suggest I go watch it with this sorta-ish-not-really ex-boyfriend who wasn't really a boyfriend. And I was gonna ask him, but I chickened out. xPP Then I realized Angel hadn't watched it yet so I'm going with her.

But I haven't seen my sorta-ish-not-really ex-boyfriend guy in like... forever! The last time I saw him was to go watch Madagascar as friends. -sniffles- And he was all like, "I'm not short!" even though he was half a head shorter than me. And I was always teasing him 'bout his height. T______________T I miss him noowww. I miss glomping him, and teasing him, and joking with him, and talking to him, and chasing him, and making him blush. And lots other stuff. -hides in a closet and cries-

dysthe @ 2006-07-13T23:39:00

2006-07-14T06:48:23Z

x__________x;; My head hurts. A lot. Either need to sleep more, sleep less, or eat more regularily/balanced. Ughhh. Thank god I don't have my conics math test tomorrow. Owwwwwie. >___<; This sucks.

On a side note, my average in math 12 right now is 86%. =^_________^= w00t. A freaking 'A'~! And I thought I failed the last test. xPP I got three marks for randomly plugging numbers into an equation, and getting the wrong answer(s).

dysthe @ 2006-07-09T22:30:00

2006-07-10T05:44:58Z

Yay. Just got back from this T&T annual party thingy. It was sorta boring at first, but then it got better. I called Tracy after an hour, 'cause I was BORED out of my mind, but it was way too freaking loud to hear her on the phone. x____X;;

Afterwards, I got this really pretty airbrush tattoo of a dragon over a rose. <33 I luff it, but it's gonna go away soon. Then my friend Jane and I went on the rides. Omfg, she got so high. xDD People were staring at us for doing random "inappropriate" dancing-ness. And she we went on this spinning strawberry ride and spun the wheel so fast with me that we were bashing our heads against the walls. xDD Then, when the guy came to let us outta the ride, we were all singing and stuff and he wouldn't let us out 'til we finished singing.

Ooh, and there was this lil' kiddy jungle gym thingy for people under 42", and the person in charge was like "as long as you're shorter than this bar you can go in". So we crouched a lot, and went on. Haha, when we got to the top, we were jumping and dancing and singing and I swear the whole thing was about to collapse on us. xDDDD Wheee. Now I wanna drag Jane to Playland. <333 She gets so hyperactive on rides that spin. We were gonna go on the ferris wheel, but the people wouldn't let us on 'cause they were closing. T________T Stupid closing-ness.

EDIT: ^_____________^ Omfg, there was this guy that looked like Sora from Kingdom Hearts. His hair was all Sora-like poofy, and not 'cause he was using hair gel. Heh, I sorta accidentally touched his hair. <333 So soft. And he was hugging a Mickey Mouse plushie. o_____o;;

dysthe @ 2006-07-08T22:19:00

2006-07-09T05:31:53Z

Normally, I don't like it when parents snoop around and stuffs, but it's needed when someone starts stealing stuff. -coughmysistercough- Omfg, my mom found like soooo much stuff under her bed that doesn't belong to her. Like my earings and necklace. And Ian's necklace that I forgot to return to him after he was all like "nuuuu, i dun want it right now". And my two calculators that I thought I lost (my parents got mad at me for that). And Mr. Martin's calculator that I borrowed. A whole shitload of books from random places like the school library and friends. Her friend's wallet with money in it. My pretty pencil case from Angel (<33333) that I thought I left at Trans. My lil' book from a close friend with peoples' phone numbers and lil' "i'll miss you when you go to trans" notes to me (which were torn out, goddammit. Fucking torn out). Someone's shirt and hat. A Chicken Soup book from a friend (which now has torn edges and spine -__-). Lots of makeup. Oh, a bag with money in it labelled "Money Collection, Mr. Lim, Div 6". That's just a tad bit screwed up. -twitches-

MY STUFFS. -coughs- >___>;; At least I know where to go the next time the money I leave on my dresser goes missing... fuck. Haha. I just realized where my fishnet gloves are. That little liar.

dysthe @ 2006-07-05T18:32:00

2006-07-06T01:38:00Z

T_______T I had this dream where I was hanging out with this person, and it was really really fun. Then I woke up and realized I hadn't talked to her in AGES. And I dun know her email or phone number or anything. -mopes- I miss her. D:

dysthe @ 2006-07-04T22:34:00

2006-07-05T05:40:18Z

Yay. First day of summer school today. Oh god, everyone in New Westminster is either Korean or Japanese. Like, EVERYONE. You can't even walk two meters without hearing someone talking in a language I can't understand. Although there was this sorta hot Japanese guy in my Math 12 class that slightly resembled Yamapi. xDDD I just sorta stared at him when the teacher gave us half an hour to do our homework.

Haha. Homework. More like moving drawings. Functions were sooo easy. -failed functions at Trans- xPP But I'm gonna die if I hafta listen to Korean/Japanese for the next six weeks everywhere. x________x;; Angel,cooooome!

dysthe @ 2006-06-28T21:08:00

2006-06-29T04:23:43Z

One night and I'm already missing Asaf. Something I didn't even know would happen. But one dream can tell a lot about a person.

I dreamt that hundreds of people, including me, were chosen to be on some sort of TV show, and we were completing for some sort of title. Everyone was divided into four teams, and within the teams, people would compete for a locket. The four people who win the locket then complete amongst each other for the title. Asaf was on my team and he was the one who won the locket. The locket somehow gives people special powers or something like that which aided the four final contestants. Asaf was about to win the whole competition when something messed up with the locket and he.... died.

Yeah, stupid dream, I know. It seems a lot better than I can explain it. When I woke up, I was in tears and it took me a moment to realize that Asaf hadn't died in real life.

I'm making this a public post because, hopefully, Asaf will read this and... I'unno. I just want him to read this for some unexplainable reason. It makes me feel better knowing that he'll know.

dysthe @ 2006-06-25T00:35:00

2006-06-25T07:39:12Z

Studying biology right now. By the time I finish, I'll have forgotted the first two units. xDDD Sad. Just like Ellen and her SPAMMING. =P You should be studying, Ellen. Not spamming my LJ until you can't read the replies anymore.

I'm soooo bored. And biology is so stupid. -wants to take correspondence course with Elliechan- ^^;

Ughh...

2006-06-22T08:37:57Z

Haha. I woke up this... last... morning, and I walked to my washroom and I looked in the mirror to find dried blood caked on the side of my face. And an abnormally large red spot on my bed. How can anyone possible sleep through a nosebleed? I didn't even feel the blood until I saw it!

Anyways, I'm studying biology right now. Just finished Cell Biology, and Cell Processes and Applications. All I have left is... Human Biology. Which is the same length as the previous two units combined. I'm ready to die.